I believe that sadness is like a glue that connects us, it’s why we so easily recognize others who carry the same weight.

Sadness opens a portal between people, clicks in place like a duct hose, because sadness seeks out souls suffering in similar ways. It brings us into sharp focus to each other among a crowd. It is a quiet spotlight that singles us out.

Our portals just fit each other, like getting the USB cord right the first time. I knew it from the second we met.

In the quiet probing of each other on our first date, and the silent screaming at each other over the next 900 days. The sadness flowed back and forth between us, and we recognized it, and we understood. And now four hands carried the weight, and four feet guided us.

But, who wants just a constantly open portal, having to be a vessel for sadness all the time? Most people (us included) would slam it shut if possible, with life’s distractions, vices, excuses.

Over time and connection, and flowing in and out of each other, the sadness escapes little by little, through our seams, and vaporizing safely through our pressurelocks.

But people whose suffering doesn’t recognize each other, if the portals don’t fit or the plug is backward, you risk exploding with leaks that big! Have you ever tried to be with someone that didn’t understand your kind of sadness? It doesn’t work. That’s why couples who don’t understand each other explode so big!

If we just let the sadness flow steady, we’d become accustomed to it and carry it with grace. Slow and steady. Through our conversations, and our compassion. Our patience, our kisses, sex, and laughter. So much laughter.

It doesn’t weigh anything to become accustomed to, no! It is far lighter than being trapped underneath it, and far better than exploding!

If we knew how to stay still, stay open and steady, and connected, let the sadness flow, we would all be so much better at giving and receiving love.

I promise… Only the IDEA of sadness is horrifying. The real thing isn’t so bad, especially with four hands and four feet.

Because, whether your portal is flowing, shut down, or leaking too fast… sadness can’t just stay inside us forever.

Yet… Real sadness never fully goes away either, however you choose to let it out… Us humans don’t just let go that easily.

You can never “let go” of love anyway. I think if we’re lucky, if we slow down and listen, we just let go of the expectations and hopes we had for a particular kind or source of love.

Sometimes that love needs to settle into a permanent place inside us, where we can admire and appreciate it, let it beam from our chests… we can look at it and enjoy it any time we want! We can carry its message through our days…

We just can’t take it out of the glass to play anymore. And that’s OK.

Maybe the rest of the pain that’s left at the end, finally blows out of our eyes and ears and nose and mouth, the minute we cross over. Maybe in one massive fart!

And then our portals that used to carry sadness, emptied out, rinsed gently, will seek each other out, seal together again, and fill with immense joy, until infinity!

I know I will see you again someday. Someday knowing that will be enough.

Until then, I don’t know what I will do.

Don’t be long (1/21/15)

I have never belonged to anyone, not from the very start

I thought i belonged to my mother
Until I found out she only wanted my father and
He was already a million miles away

I might have belonged to a stranger
But he didn’t get very far
by the time the police came

I might have belonged to my grandfather
But eventually people die, so after awhile I couldn’t stay

I might have belonged to a group of us girls, but they changed their minds in the 7th grade,


I just kept walking and pulling from that violent mob,
until they let me go

I thought I belonged to someone who loved me, but every time I was quite wrong

Because you see,
I have never belonged to anyone.

Not you,

Not them,

Not me.

Podcast Episode 4 – Value, Comparison & Accountability

Accountability! Oh, hello… The next She’s CRACKED! podcast episode is live and ready for you!

Episode 4 and the links below focus on:

  • Trap of becoming a “value martyr”
  • Danger of comparing yourself to others
  • How to get out of this trap!
  • Accountability and self-awareness
  • Self Improvement

I love the resources below for more reading! Ways to think about behaviors, improving self-awareness, and the importance and benefits of mastering Accountability.

Most importantly, Episode 4 is an excuse to share the  articles below, which are the pride and joy of the episode rather than my rambling. Please let me know your thoughts or how they have helped you!

Impossible Tasks and what to do about them!

Holy moly! Looking back episode 1 & 2 were rough… I’m really happy about episode 3! This episode we get into the “Impossible Task” concept! First, I explore some of the roots I believe lead to this. Second, I offer some of my favorite tools and resources to check those tasks off your list. However, this episode will be a very surface and limited exploration. Fortunately, there is always more to learn! I love discovering ways to understand our own minds!

Episode resources (Click the Links)