This is not IT

I keep witnessing over and over… people confusing chemistry or “it” w/ the excitement of “new” or other people’s drama. Escaping reality may start out fun but ultimately… it is not the same as seeing and truly being seen. The difference…. One is still passively letting life “happen” to you, (aka sabotaging yourself and the goodness created), so in a way avoiding facing yourself and blocking your growth. The other pushes a person to be fully present, trust the process, learn to let the discomfort flow through you to come out stronger on the other side. Probably the best thing I learned to deal with discomfort, anger, confusion, panic attacks is just let it flow through my body until it’s subsided, no matter how uncomfortable it is. I could run and push down these feelings a thousand other ways, but they’ve always nearly killed me and destroyed everything I love. And it just comes back even stronger. To illustrate this method… please refer to and enjoy this picture of emperor Palpetine…

This > That

I wake up every day so grateful
That I love my dog more than I want to jump in front of a train 

That I want to love and be loved 
More than I want to jump in front of a train 

Because every single day I really, really 
Really want to jump in front of a train  

Photo (C) Man Ray

No one ever fully warns you how terrifying love is. We live with this myth that there’s some magic answer, chasing after absolutely nothing. Realizing that, is changing everything you know about existence and every familiar habit we escape to. It’s standing on firm ground when you want to run, it’s knowing instead of doubting. It’s trusting yourself. It’s opening when you want to shut down. It’s right fucking here, this is what we are built for.

Sometimes

Sometimes your heart just pours out of you. Even when the world has given you every single reason to hide. 

It doesn’t know just how much is sitting inside you, waiting. You have more love than most… And you created it all from scratch. No one gave it to you, you had no examples no images to go by. You just knew that there had to be something, something that felt so good that you wanted to give it to everyone. So no one ever had to feel what you felt. 

So much love it makes you cry sometimes. So much it makes your heart just pour out of you. In pain, in empathy, in mourning, in absolute joy, in solidarity, in awe… So much love you don’t know what to do with it. So, 

What do you do with it?