Hey, It's ShesCracked.Com!

Apr

2010

You fondle my trigger then you blame my gun

XOXO Cracked

1. Did you know there are only 3 ingredients in those small, concentrated industrial/institutional fragrance cans that go in the automated dispensers? The first two ingredients are Acetone, and Liquified Petroleum Gas. Maybe this among the bazillion reasons why the entire world has cancer - we "freshen" our industrial and institutional buildings with compressed gasses that require ID#'s to be used in manufacture. We walk around breathing that shit super concentrated in 15-minute timed bursts, on top of all the other shit floating around in the world. SAVE ME.

PLEASE, LEAVE YOUR WALLET IN EL SEGUNDO. Cracked x Cupcakess satisfying all your rum needs

2. When a guy and girl hook up for purely physical purposes, it's not that all chicks just go "psycho" and can't handle the NSA format. It's the DUDES that always get into the I Love You bullshit. No, you don't! Both parties are gonna get laid, that is the nature of the arrangement, so there's no need to drag all that shit into it... I cannot for the life of me understand why someone would say they love you if they don't, either by circumstance or intent... If you'd never said that it would have never gotten weird. Maybe the "I Love You" offenders are the ones with issues who are too chicken shit to admit their deep need for love and companionship, hence they continue to flush their life down the toilet with meaningless physical interactions and use "I Love You" to avoid the fact that they CHOOSE to operate in ways that perpetually lack truly satisfying experiences and healthy validation.

BREAKFAST IN LONG BEACH

3. I'm still navigating the gravitational pull of dysfunction

4. KING OF NEW YORK. Wish I could keep you happy, wish I could keep you young - you're a better man than that, time will show you... Or kill you. Stop wasting your life.

SONGBIRD - Big old jet airliner, don't carry me too far away...

5. Over time you can kill me, But I'll resurrect so... NANANANANANA You're never gonna thrill me, but you can kiss my ass so NANANANANA!!!!!!!!!

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Apr

2010

You know you're in love when you don't want to fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams. ~Dr. Seuss

XOXO Cracked

I havent been able to blog in so long that I wake up with this acute anxiety that I may not be alive. Some people think blogging is really stupid, and it might be. If I didn't post it here you can bet I'd have a pocket full of paper scraps with diagrams and words and experiences, so I don't forget my life. I've been so busy living it that I've not even had the chance to document it. I spent so much of my childhood being denied the validation of things being real and experiences being true that yes, some things I do have to write down.

Just to remember that they happened, and I enjoyed it.

Anyway last weekend I worked the Pike in Long Beach before the 2010 Grand Prix. This is the lovely Steph, my LA hair saint. Sorry Mickey, my hair is partly blonde, not green, you must be mistaken due to the GREEN bar lighting against a BLUE and white PBR wall. It's OK, I might have been confused also. It happens.

I found another pic from the Hayes Valley shoot with Ben Kasman back in Winter / Spring 2009. That was the last time I was fully blonde, but not the last time I was fully wasted. I'm sorry:

I kind of look like a Spanish soap actress on a lot of pills in this pic. I'm OK with that. I've been told I look Puerto Rican, too. And a great number of other things. It's too late at night for math. Work it out.

Then last Sunday I spent the day at Magic Mountain with my roommates Starr & Liz. It was an awesome end to an otherwise stressful and sorrow-laden week. Yes, we rode front row x2 on each ride, per ride. That's a lot more math. Basically, we skipped all the lines and spent 8 of 10 hours upside down and backwards. Love it.

Yesterday saw the passing of one of the greatest MCs of all time, if not THE best: Guru. Ironically it was one of the only days in the last 5-6 years that I have not listened to GangStarr. You cant fake your every-day agenda just because someone died. The music is in your soul or it is not. Live with that. You don't have to lie to kick it.

In addition to my job, I have been laden with Graduate School and the Sailor Jerry 2010 season. My Financial Reporting class is going as I would have imagined, it is pretty straight forward but good to know the technicalities of certain things. I cannot wait for my next class in June, which is something along the lines of Organizational Behavior.

Other than that... I'm chillin.

Peace and Love

and a little bit of hate.

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Apr

2010

Indifference Coma

XOXO Cracked

I had all these feelings earlier that I had intended to rant about; I can't for the life of me remember them. It's funny I should forget them, as they were my feelings and they sure as fuck haven't gone anywhere... but I keep finding myself numb and impatient with it... On to the next one.

My life becomes exponentially simpler the longer I remain isolated. Tasks are completed; assignments are fulfilled; appointments are met; finances are balanced; promises are kept. I am the last remaining liability to... myself. Yet it becomes incalcuably more complex. Any time a void becomes bigger than your desire to fill it, bad things are bound to happen... I become completely and utterly turned off by all people. I miscalculate my own capacity for misanthropy. I forget all the things I love and fret over things I miss. I ignore my capacity to create because all I want to do is destroy.

Sometimes I wish I'd just explode into a million pieces rather than the lazy, heartbreaking unravel that keeps me awake at night and puts so much pressure on my lungs. Or that I would just get an Rx for Valium and call it a day.

Mar

2010

BOOBS, METAL & DOOM