Happy B-Day America! Many years ago some Brits said "Fuck Parliament, Let's blow this fish&chips stand" and sailed the seas to come oppress some other non-Brits who were already here  / got shipped here to build this glorious country! (That is the abridged Bastardized History 101, sorry) 234 years ago they officially said "No U Cannot Has Our Coloniez LOLZ" and declared their independence from Britain. For as much as there is wrong with us as a nation, I fucking LOVE America. I'm lucky as hell to be here, and even luckier to still be alive. No Joke. Real Talk. America is all sex & love & Rock&Roll to me, baby... Plus other awesome shit such as:

Jello Shots

Jessica

Taco trucks parked in your own driveway

Dogs in tutus

Nice houses

Nice beaches (Playa Del Rey was perfect this weekend FYI)

Sunscreen accidents

Girls in Sailor hats

Booze in plastic cups

Booze in fruits

Slip N' Slides

Beach V-Ball

Dudes in wigs and gay male models

Coco Loco

Giant Jenga

Sleeping in your man's jort crotch in the sun

Jorts in general

Chicks wrestling in sand

Sunsets

and Cowboy Boots.

Happy Birthday America! I love you!

LA on the otherhand...

Westwood / Bev Hills was crappy as shit this morning

Dear LA - I have noticed your recent lack of regard for the weather conditions of the Summer season. I have been accused of bringing San Francisco with me to taint your famously temperate and enjoyable weather. I find this wholly unacceptable. I trust you will remedy the weather conditions as soon as you are able, with great expediency and enthusiasm.

Love,
Me