my heart goes out to the handful of friends who (no joke) all got into serious car accidents over the last week. i thought mercury was not only in retrograde but PMS-ing the fuck out but then you know... it's not like shit happens "for a reason." the world isn't here to give a fuck whether you learn some lesson from it or not. shit just happens. the world does one thing, then it changes and does another. you're either there or you're not. if it wasn't you, it would be someone else.

i've been trying to reconcile my own needs and conscience with the people around me... not everyone is perfect for our lives but if you pay attention, you learn something from each of them, about people, about yourself, about life. maybe you fill a void, a need, receive a validation. maybe you finally learn what it is you love and what it is that kills you. and maybe then you stay, or maybe you move on.

we have the funniest habits, too. the things we rely on to be who we are or convince us that nothing can hurt us... "What's wrong with ____ ?" Well - nothing. Except those around us, those who love us, and those who grow up with us, rely on us, and learn from us - will learn to believe that is how people just "are." you're breaking hearts before they even have a chance out in the world. and they'll believe that's OK.

sometimes when you stop for a minute... you realize, just how fucking real shit is. the noise up there at the surface - the things people do, their bullshit, their armor, their pride, all the shit that is fake as fuck - when you tear it all down, to the gritty fucking truth of character and who someone ~REALLY~ is... it's intense. the fact, too, that they could be gone in a blink of an eye. it bleeds my heart out and cuts the oxygen.

i appreciate everything. everyone. stop - go. slow down, keep up. sometimes, chill the fuck out. we mess up a lot just trying to be fast.